scrambling out

I could deal with depression a whole lot easier if I wasn't a mother - bury my head in the covers and wallow in it.  This past week or two I fell into a blue abyss and have been combating it as fiercely as I can - soaking in vitamin d, going for runs, trying to be kind to myself while not snarling at everyone around me.  I have an eight year old who naturally revels in this time of year and needs me to supply the magic, so I fight that sinking ship of melancholy.

I've been following the prompts from Tracey Clark's Picture the Holidays as incentive since starting my 365 project on December 1.  Today was all about trying to photograph what the spirit of the holidays is for me, the divine essence of what Christmas represents.  I dragged around my black cloud for most of the morning, through breakfast and appointments and a meagre attempt at work, wondering how I was going to pull that rabbit out of my hat.  And then, as it does, the help was supplied with no intervention on my part except for putting myself in its path by treating myself to a coffee.  And a pain au chocolat, but that isn't part of this story.  It was tasty though.

I stood at the coffee bar stirring agave into my cup, dimly aware of a man beside me stirring his own drink, sensing in my peripheral vision that he was looking my way. And that he looked something like a certain jolly old elf.  When I slid my eyes toward him, he beamed at me and said "I was stirring mine the other direction so we could balance the universe."

And while the cloud didn't disappear, it withdrew to a manageable distance.

Balance. Peace.