Why can't we all get along?

I've noticed in my blog circuit lately a number of posts dealing with the diversity of opinion in certain issues around child-rearing.

It reminds me of the so-called MOMMY WARS.

I first heard, or at least registered, that term a year or so ago at a conference where Leslie Morgan Steiner was the moderator. Although I haven't read the book (which she edited), I've read some of her blog and articles she's written, mostly at mommytrackd. The basic gist of the Mommy Wars is that there is a divide between the stay-at-home moms and the career moms, that some made the choice to go one way or the other (and fiercely defend their choice), some don't have that choice and so resent whichever side they're not on. Every mother falls at least partially into one category or another, really.

I was 36 with a solid career in the film industry when I became pregnant. I never intended to stay home forever - maybe six months or a year at most. The decision was taken out of my hands when my daughter was 8 months old. I had gone back to work part-time when she was 6 months with the promise of a project assignment, only to find that no producer wanted a part-time crew member. I was laid off, although not alone. The film industry is very project-oriented and if you're not on a project you're not employed.

I was angry and bitter, my confidence was shot, and I sunk into a delayed PPD for almost a year. Looking back, I look at it as a tremendous blessing. The choice was made for me to be at home with Sweetpea and today I wouldn't trade the time I've been able to spend with her. As a result, however, I've had to struggle with reinventing myself to maintain some sort of link to my career (I now work from home part-time), and still be a conscious and present mother for my daughter. It's now my choice (with my Englishman's blessing) to be at home, and whatever income I manage to pull in helps with the monthly bills.

But back to the topic at hand (how I do get distracted) .... that being....

Different parenting choices, and the fact that they are personal and benefit your own family and no one else. And that we shouldn't feel judged by anyone who might take an alternate path.

Right now Alice at finslippy is feeling some heat because of her stance on circumcision - a current topic on momversation. It's definitely one of those hot-button topics - like breastfeeding (or not), attachment parenting, sleep training (cry it out, baby!), homeschooling and anything else that is a blood-pressure booster for you. Someone commented on Alice's blog that because they adopted their children, they were able to opt out on a lot of these hot-button issues and focus their attention elsewhere. And not feel guilty.

That sums it up nicely for me - it demonstrates what is of primary importance - raising aware, compassionate, thoughtful human beings. And however you get there is up to you.

I like that the debate is out there, that we have the opportunity to discuss and challenge each other on these topics and increase our own awareness, but that in the end it's personal choice and that judging anyone else for their hard-fought decisions regarding their family is not productive. Or nice. Dammit.

Thanks to Scottish Lass for her post on sleep training, which started me mulling this whole messy topic last week.

Sweetpea, hollering.